yes

i no longer like to return to public

i have nothing to give

i have nothing to teach

i have nothing to appreciate

i have nothing

what is tomorrow i have not answered  except that i did not find it today

i no longer ask that i don't follow

can any thing be changed

i can't answer

without me there is night and day

with me it is both hard to live

তুলি

তুলি
কত রং ঢেলেছি এই পাতায়
কত সুক্ষ টান তানেছি তৈরি করেছি যা কখনো ছিলনা
আজ আর ভালো লাগেনা আকা 
তুমি বানাও যত খুশি আমি বাধা দেবনা
কাওকে ও যে যত খুসি ছবি আকুক
সবই আমার আনন্দ 

My offer of silence to all

I offer my silence to any reference to my past

I offer my silence to any reference to my future

I offer my silence to any reference to my present

I offer my silence to all queries to all

I offer my silence to now

I offer my silence to all queries about me

silence prevails subduing all noise of erudition, definition of human, and me

i do not read write talk or watch

i have nothing to offer except my silence - original and undiluted pure

valley

it is a valley surrounded completely by many hills insurmountable - none can ever come in or go out. all of them is me and me only carefully constructed to play multiple roles.

i play the role of a, i have to dress as b to reply as b, then play role of c d ....

all by me all different roles of me a b c ...

even in sleep i play this game - pain pleasure grief jealousy shame fear but can't cross the barrier

i have seen myself in a zoo in Thailand as a monkey buckled in my neck hanging above across the road on a steel rope - imprisoned shrilling mad ...death is my only escape

is there death - i mean MY permanent deletion of the valley?

my death wont end this valley i shall forever as the current and descendant of the valley. I am valley every grain of it every atom of it.

I simply tired of this never ending play where i change my dress character appearance every moment and show my emotions and feelings with none ever existing

i m alone absolutely one and only one and there shall be none ever

i m lone flamingo in the zoo dancing to entice all the watcher as my mate - my priceless pearls of love wasted

ant hill

there are some ant hills in my yard. they move one place to another. It is like a city making a move. They have to find a suitable place and prepare for months and struggle with infrastructure transport food and planning. The it takes many many days to transfer all belongings.

In the millions that live in an ant hill. There are many extraordinary genii that I do not know and shall never know. 

happiness

it is life time of unhappiness.

a rich fat man is unhappy with life

he has done everything he could do but is unhappy

each passing day is gloomier than the previous

some one suggested he possibly try and meet mullah

it is difficult mullah usually take afternoon siesta at the center of market in a cloth shop

no option rich man set out for the bazaar

he abandoned his vehicle outside the market and proceeded slowly to the center where he possibly could find mullah

mullah was sleeping when he arrived he just started his yarn when mullah suddenly got up snatched bag tied around the rich man's fat large belly and scram

''lootgiya - robbed rokho pakro - stop hold sobgiya - all gone ..." rich man followed mullah with heavy steps

mullah knows this area very well and all lanes and bi-lanes, he ran zig zag  and return to sleep after 5 minutes of sprint

it took an hour for puffing sweating rich man to reach mullah

mullah returned the money bag to rich man and asked

"khush - happy"

rich man could not utter a word just nodded - "yes"

my measure of unhappiness is what i can't leave without ....

history

I write history of me

I have been writing this for forty years

I write for me some times wistfully for my readers there are some occasional

it is not pleasant reading - besides typo there are often absence of no or not

i also delete most of them when I believe they are repetitive has no content for others to learn

last night too I was about to destroy

i stopped it is not necessary

i must convey as is observation

i m not making anything out of me for any after all

my history does not matter to me

how can this be useful to others

what am i trying to teach

what one must learn

why one is born

to move pebbles some distance

universe is organism

that one is

that is built singularly one

that is nothing of the universe

has no superior peer or inferior

the lord of paradise

there is no division

allisoneandwholeindivisible

the illusion of many is illusion of me

one has no option but wait till illusion evaporates

illusion is transient

india

I am not concerned about usa. I do not understand. never lived in a small village or town never known people intimately. i lived though in many houses as paying guest but not being part really. there are meany reasons - my discomfort with pet while it is part and parcel of american living. Besides pets Americans are very amiable kind.

In fact I felt emboldened by their acceptance of me. I prefer to stay with an american.

I do spend many of my wake hours about india. I read their news though they don't attract me. cricket football movies songs food politics are too much for me. yet instead of news channels in usa i spend time reading about india.
here are some articles i browsed and did not find interesting:
http://www.thehindu.com/opinion/lead/unconstitutional-exercise-of-power/article6963544.ece?ref=sliderNews
http://www.thehindu.com/opinion/lead/the-sadness-of-silence/article6966883.ece?ref=sliderNews
http://www.thehindu.com/opinion/lead/food-insecurity-and-statistical-fog/article6929823.ece

I no longer have appetite or intellect

supreme

climbing the ladder of my identification from mad to normal to failure to success to incompetent to expert to fragile to permanent to absolute to zero to nothing to absent to supreme - I identified with all - I did not go insane totally with identification with raving mad - for one reason alone - despite all evidence I am not what I am supposed to be - a part and not whole.

I knew all along some how that I am despite my delusion to a part of this world as all would say. I did not mind what others would say but without saying publicly I knew I am whole and I alone is whole. My world is an unbounded empty space that has a universe an earth organisms people ....

all is me and I am not one in particular or none in particular - all is truly my body parts and my concept my consciousness and my mind.

I can't be modeled.

all is my misrepresentation.

I am supreme. All is identical and same as me.