I do not know of others but my dreams are very strong.
It is very long last for months and years and after effect is very moving. For many hours I shall be looking at why I dreamed since it always has some message about me. Often it has to do with ISI. My relationship with ISI was very minimal - it is existential. I did not wish to learn anything for more fundamental than earning my living and I could not depend on others. I really did not wish to have any certificate as long as I could do without it. I did not care to have any relationship with teachers. Not even my classmates were any near. I used to help them only to know what is going on in the class. I did not even know many teachers who taught my class since I was absent.
My brother had two lives - ISI was his life support but his enjoyment is from constant problem solver as a bridge player and at ISI. He did not bother to do well in ISI, He was content with what he got. But he was very extraordinary. He was a great problem solver and reigned supreme for 50 plus years. He died at the age of 68 completed.
While I was engaged full time to solve my problem of existence - he was bothered by it. He never complained never borrowed often he was burdened with no money yet having a family dependent on him. He did not have any philosophy except he slept on present and allowed present to support him. Implicitly he knew present could be without him. He shall always have present and present is his provider. He never had to make his future he had only to live his present. He was voracious reader and read many things without making conscious choice. He was fond of thrillers, sf, etc and was not bothered about philosophy or religion. He was with known people.
After his death all spontaneously heaped praise on him as a person and great accomplished scholar teacher student every minutes he lived. Comparison with me was natural for all who knew him. I avoided even being seen in his circle. I had no circle.
My last dream was very unnerving. I was trying desperately working for a certificate to be equal to a class of people and I can't be. It is impossible to belong to any group for me - corporation, institution, society, family, friends ....,while I must earn my living - I get horrified with possibility I have no money shelter no profession nothing. In this dream I realized the only way I can be as light as nothing that I float on present - I must be without past or future and choice of present is already made and it is not required for me to change my course. Present always accommodates me.
At this point I refrain from speaking - because it is not quite true.
After the dream it took quite a while what is the message from the dream. Any certificate if given to me i must lose it there and then otherwise I will sink in present from the burden of a certificate (as anyone or anything).
I can no longer float in present.
I necessarily have to be absent in order to live in present.
I can't have life health body intellect judgement humanity money competence pride name anything including 'I' 'We' or 'Me'.
It is very long last for months and years and after effect is very moving. For many hours I shall be looking at why I dreamed since it always has some message about me. Often it has to do with ISI. My relationship with ISI was very minimal - it is existential. I did not wish to learn anything for more fundamental than earning my living and I could not depend on others. I really did not wish to have any certificate as long as I could do without it. I did not care to have any relationship with teachers. Not even my classmates were any near. I used to help them only to know what is going on in the class. I did not even know many teachers who taught my class since I was absent.
My brother had two lives - ISI was his life support but his enjoyment is from constant problem solver as a bridge player and at ISI. He did not bother to do well in ISI, He was content with what he got. But he was very extraordinary. He was a great problem solver and reigned supreme for 50 plus years. He died at the age of 68 completed.
While I was engaged full time to solve my problem of existence - he was bothered by it. He never complained never borrowed often he was burdened with no money yet having a family dependent on him. He did not have any philosophy except he slept on present and allowed present to support him. Implicitly he knew present could be without him. He shall always have present and present is his provider. He never had to make his future he had only to live his present. He was voracious reader and read many things without making conscious choice. He was fond of thrillers, sf, etc and was not bothered about philosophy or religion. He was with known people.
After his death all spontaneously heaped praise on him as a person and great accomplished scholar teacher student every minutes he lived. Comparison with me was natural for all who knew him. I avoided even being seen in his circle. I had no circle.
My last dream was very unnerving. I was trying desperately working for a certificate to be equal to a class of people and I can't be. It is impossible to belong to any group for me - corporation, institution, society, family, friends ....,while I must earn my living - I get horrified with possibility I have no money shelter no profession nothing. In this dream I realized the only way I can be as light as nothing that I float on present - I must be without past or future and choice of present is already made and it is not required for me to change my course. Present always accommodates me.
At this point I refrain from speaking - because it is not quite true.
After the dream it took quite a while what is the message from the dream. Any certificate if given to me i must lose it there and then otherwise I will sink in present from the burden of a certificate (as anyone or anything).
I can no longer float in present.
I necessarily have to be absent in order to live in present.
I can't have life health body intellect judgement humanity money competence pride name anything including 'I' 'We' or 'Me'.
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