Essay on my life

I had a goal to clean up a mess I did about 40 years back.

Fresh and confident that I can tackle any break down in relationship, I ventured into a relationship. I was in a mess. I am usually successful in my undertakings. I was super confident. That relationship did not take place. I got into further relationship - got married and had two children. The life of family man that had a process never ended.

My questions and some answers as I progress by inches. I had many failure almost every moments in my last 40 years.

I came to know many things.

All is in my mind.

All is 100% me.

Supreme God that has no peer or parent is creator of truth or meaning of truth is the home of all truths.

Supreme God is none other but personal me that can't be shared with any.

Public me or me in relation does not real.

Yet I was not happy - my goal of life was not achieved.

I could be tempted. I could fail and get hurt. I could be afraid. I could be ashamed.

I was not myself. Despite all my knowledge of me.

I also made my path to achieve supreme godhood public in writing as I progressed for last seven years.

That this can be done all by myself in my unique way without assistance and publicly.

I am living proof of success.

Conway's Life

About 40 years back I bought a book of John Horton Conway 'On numbers and Games'. Numbers are not really integers that most grow up with but they are very similar to the concept of zero and one that of Vedanta - Shunya (zero) and Creator (one). Two persons are playing games - L is set of moves for left person. R is the set of moves for R person. When L, R are empty, we have and second person wins. L wins for positive numbers, while R wins for negative numbers. Loser has no move.
0: |
1: 0|
2: 1|
- 1: |0
*: 0|0 is not a number called fuzzy
he goes on describing operations rational etc and create numbers similar to real but not really.
http://arxiv.org/pdf/math/0410026.pdf

Conway's game of life assumes two dimensional grid extending indefinitely in all directions. Each grid position is either on or off. In the next time instant grid goes off or on depending on the ON counts of its immediate neighbors. Watch the following visual for the rules of becoming OFF or ON. Also different evolution of life given a starting pattern.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2vgICfQawE

You can of course extend the substratum to be three dimensional. Grid elements are cube and neighbors are 26. Chose your initial pattern and rules create your universe.

Our universe that we see as if euclidean is so due to my own limitation to think otherwise incorporated with simple rules deterministic in nature. I have not much knowledge of thermodynamics but theory behind it probabilistic and non-euclidean space.

Reality I shall never know and no one shall ever know. Equipment created for observation too makes observations in linear time. I wonder if this itself is not an assumption. For example it can be a spring and it should be possible to make time jumps. Neighbors are not limited to two as in linear scale.

I am not going to make clever theories. I am past stage of university honors where some understand. I know all is in my mind and god it is unique and personal is outside my mind. I see what is shown. I think what is thought. I do what is done. I am a hopeless and limited within now.

Nothing sticks to god - there is no attribute

In the language I can't write down anything that even one understands.